The SacFree press release promised:

“The world-wide first testicle-free men’s underwear — a fantastic, comfortable, free feeling and a new sexy look. … And so it works: sacfree® protects and supports the penis in a bag-like pouch. Till here sacfree® feels like a classic slip. For the testicle sacfree® offers pure space. Through an opening the sac can hangs out completely free. … With its open kind sacfree® makes for a fresh breeze. A comfortable and manly healthy characteristic… [A]bove all, people who works vocationally much in sitting will appreciate the new sacfree® freedom.”

So back in our bedroom after dinner, I removed my shirt. “Oooooooh,” she cooed. I unfastened my belt. “Mmmmmmm,” she purred. I dropped my drawers.

“Your … your balls …?” she gawked at my crotchless boxers with a combination of bafflement and horror.

“Yes,” I nodded confidently. “My balls.”

These are best used by drunk white dudes who think it’s funny to take pictures of their passed out friends dressed in their non homo (questionable) balls. This is the only reasonable explanation for these to exist. The balls are just so strange to need to display them otherwise.