To: Guy who updates stuff @ Lazydate.com
From: Mr. Larry Bastage Jr.

This is my updated dating profile. Please put it on your interweb computer site so I can score some chicks cuz I ain’t getting any dates. I decided to go by my new alias name now. Also, remove that part where it says that I clean up shit at the zoo as my job.

Profile for “ilovearbys6969”

About: Hey ladies, my name is Dalton Willoughby III, I am a real estate magnet and I make a lot of money. I live in my really big house on South Pringle Street. I go on a lot of dates so hopefully I will have time to date you or your sister if she is OK looking too.

Likes: Sailing on my yacht boat, Howard Huge comic strips, Michelob Ultra, Holocaust memorabilia

Dislikes: Liberal propaganda, body odor, the prevent defense

Favorite Films: One Hour Photo, Milo & Otis

Favorite TV Shows: Deadliest Truckers, Storage Pickers, Pawn Wars

Favorite Books: The Fountainhead Pop-Up Book; Los Peligros Amor: Story of the Talking Taco; Road House: The Official Book of the Film

Favorite Foods: Ranch dressing, various chowders

Ideal Match: Blonde hair, blue eyes, must be clean, no peanut allergies